This resident refuses to push button No. 1
How come there aren't more buttons on our phones to push for other languages? I don't see a button for German, French or Italian. Why?

Who in this world has thought up this crazy idea, and for what reason? The message at the other end instructs me to press No. 1 for English. Suppose I do not know how to speak English? Of what use are the directions to me? Numbers are universal; they cannot speak but are understood by all, so therefore nothing has to be dictated to use the phone.

Now when the party on the receiving end of a phone call cannot understand the caller, he or she will make it understood that the caller must learn to speak in the vernacular or the native language of a place.

Well, our place happens to be America, founded upon Judeo- Christian principles and beliefs, and English is spoken here. Even the 9/11 hijackers were aware of this, so why the dictated message to press No. 1 for English? An oversalaried airhead with nothing better to do must have come up with this stupid idea and he/she probably makes money in the seven figures.

I cannot stop the message from playing, but I have never pressed No. 1 to inform those who might pick up the phone to answer that I speak English. All they ever have to do is listen to a few choice words from my lips to recognize that English is spoken here and will be for as long as they hear my voice.

Nationals from other non-English speaking countries who choose not to learn our language and customs are slowly eating up our country. Well, I have a few rules for them to swallow, and they are:

1. Enter through the gate, not over it.

2. Learn the language and our motto, "In God we trust."

3. If God offends you here, scram. Delta will have you there by nightfall.

4. Pay your own taxes. I'm sick of supporting you.

5. Go down to the U.N. and wave the flag of your country. It's not ours.

6. Wait in line at the emergency room like we have to do.

7. Show us (if you can) your books of fallen war heroes. We have cemeteries full of ours, and they are there to guarantee your freedom.

8. Finally, our fallen heroes also have given you the right to leave America if you fail to abide. There might be a new crop of virgins waiting for you, but I don't know if there will be any foot showers.

9. I have just received information concerning the persons we call to fix our computers. If we want to speak to an American on the help desk, it will cost $13 per hour. Now do you understand why I refuse to push No. 1? Get with it, America.

Now go and jump on your burro, camel, flying carpet or whathave you, and get out while the getting is good. There are a lot of Americans getting fed up with your antics, and I'm one of them.
Art Sholty
Brick